Cecil Sirius Seaside

I'm serious about my shoes. I don't buy them often. I wait until I need a new pair; and this pair typically becomes my main pair of shoes. You will see me wearing that same pair of shoes about 75% of the time. I invest my current identity in those shoes. A while back, when I was 26, I got these shoes with a number "26" on the side, because the brand was "Red 26". I had a pair of navy blue Pumas with an orange stripe once. I thought they were the greatest Pumas ever at the time and I rarely saw anyone with the same pair. I try to find a shoe that I think is unique as possible, because I think I am unique as possible. I got some Campers when I thought no one else had Campers. I was eyeballing a pair of Diesels in the store window for several months until I bought them, right before they took them off the shelves. I still think they are the best looking Diesels ever (before they got all court-jestery) and I like the idea that once I bought them, they were nearly impossible to find. Sometimes it's a technique I use to wait until the hottest thing cools off before buying it. You could say that is simply following a trend once it has become "safe." I am not cutting edge, but I like to think I have good post-trend under-the-radar taste. My style is time-release & sneak-attack. Slow-sick low-dose arsenic, yo.

So it's new shoe time again, because my Diesels are getting old and it's time for a new identity. I have found the best New Balance shoe ever made; it's a limited edition and you can't find them. Don't even try. I OWN the shoe and there can be only one owner of the best shoe ever made. If I see you wearing my shoe I will race you for them. If I beat you, and I will, you must give up your shoes to me, and I will cast them into the inferno. I am the Shoelander. There can be only ONE.